Thought for the week: ‘Changing the road along your journey, may not lead you to your destination quicker.’ Literal Interpretation: Diversions at road works are a load of bullshit.
Quote of the weekend:
Chris: That Poirot has a shit French accent..
Me: That’s because he is Belgian, knobhead….
Sunday shit snack..
A little puzzle for you to read whilst you go about your day of rest,whether you like to sit on the toilet enjoying a cuppa or put your feet up and watch the kids do all the housework, after all, isn’t that what kids are for? (It’s character building and teaches them a sense of responsibility, apparently..just ask my mum).
Love word searches? No? You ungrateful bastards! Do you have any idea how long it has taken me to make this? I slaved long and hard over a word document for you, I dish it up and no-one wants it…well, I don’t know why I bother. I tell you this, If no one completes it, you will get it dished up for breakfast…(sorry, I had a flash back there to Sunday dinners when I was a child). There is a prize, kindly donated from Poundland for the winner! – Ok, they wouldn’t donate so I had to buy a prize. I asked the manager if he would be prepared to donate to a blog run by the retarded for the socially disabled, but he said “Are you fucking kidding me? Everythings a pound! Buy the prize yourself you tight bitch or get the fuck out of my shop!” So now you know their position on donating to charity..Just saying…
Anywho, eyes down for a full house…clickerty,click..two little fat lady ducks and all that..oh hang on, isn’t that bingo? Oh well…….
Maybe you’re not into quizzes or you can’t read or for whatever reason, you can’t be arsed..Hey! it’s the weekend! I’m not here to judge! Perhaps you will enjoy one of my Handy household hints..From the Whiteoak Book of Shortcuts, Tight wadding and generally bodgeing something because it is easier than doing it properly or spending money, right?
Fed up of washing fucking plates every time you fancy a little snack? Try following these simple tips to save you time, and money. For this, all you need is:
A snack (of choice)
A sleeve to wipe your mouth on afterwards.
Next, you need to:
Hold your hand out….
Place snack item on hand…
Voila!! a hand plate! You’re so welcome! Enjoy!
– If you’re not entirely comfortable using your hand as a plate, or you have a small hand which perhaps isn’t big enough to catch all crumbage, you can use a piece of kitchen paper..this also doubles as a napkin for you to wipe your mouth with afterwards if the person sitting next to you doesn’t have any sleeves or they look a bit scary or a bit smelly or both…or all three….
Well, Chris has just dragged the bath tub in from the garden and it is warming by the fire ready for our weekly proper wash. It’s always a welcome treat after a week of whores baths… Seeing as how it is Sunday, I like to spoil myself with some beauty products from my own range. As you know, re-use and recycle is an important message in my household and nothing is wasted. Today, I am feeling extra indulgent, so I think I am going to pluck my nose hairs and put a face mask on..Give myself a spot of body brushing with my recycled scrubbing brush, rub over with some Recycled Kitty litter body exfoliator™and have a nice soak in some recycled washing machine water, with an extra squirt of detergent….