Firstly, I would just like to say a big thank you to the local council for the lack of grit on the icy roads this morning. To be fair, the dip in temperature has only been written about in half a dozen newspapers for the last week, so I can totally understand how they would have not picked up on it. And hey, who needs to brake at junctions anyway? On the plus side, where I would normally spend my 13.8 mile journey at stupid o’clock in the morning whingeing to myself about how I need to win the lottery or start earning more money from writing so I can stay in bed until midday, This morning I was actually relieved to pull into the car park happy that I hadn’t either killed or seriously injured myself or
anyone else a random stranger . Because now I think about it, there are plenty of people I would have been more than happy to mow down in my out of control on the ice car…..Anywho, on to the important stuff.
SHIT IN THE NEWS WHAT I READ ABOUT WHILST SITTING IN BED WEARING ONLY MY KNICKERS….
If you don’t already know. Wills and Kate are expecting a baby. Much to the joy of the crackpots who have spent the last 18 months writing ‘KATE IS PREGNANT!’ stories in cLoser magazine. At least now one of them is right….It hasn’t taken 24 hours for the next stage of the bullshit machine to start though…
It’s at this point I would like to throw my woolly Batman hat into the ring and suggest that she could be having a litter of corgis..Also, I think it will be safe to say that this is one baby bump we won’t be seeing half-naked pictures of on Twitter, thank goodness! What is it with these ‘celebs’ that make them think we want to see shots of their baby belly and barely covered foofoo? It just screams “look how clever I am! I am having a baby” Pah, put it away, love….no one is interested. They are probably the same mothers who blow raspberries in their babies face in the queue at the supermarket checkout to make it giggle and then look round to see who is watching them and their ‘cutest baby EVAH’ – except, more often than not the baby (probably wearing a miniature leather jacket and ear piercings) fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down. Hang on a minute! Isn’t there some kind of app where you can upload both parents pictures to see what the kids will look like? Why yes there is. And according to some bloke in Washington the royal off spring could look something like this….
*shudder* That’s moderately disturbing isn’t it? I don’t understand why the little boy looks like Leonardo DiCaprio. Hands up who else is now secretly hoping for corgis?
I don’t know much about this, but isn’t it just when the Mayan calendar ends? Isn’t this like me getting to December 31st on my cute kitten calendar and thinking “THE WORLD IS GOING TO END BECAUSE THERE ARE NO MORE PICTURES OF FLUFFY PUSSIES!” What pictures do they have on a Mayan calender? This story disturbs me for a few reasons. Mainly because that’s when my Christmas holiday starts so I am going to be mightily pissed off if I have worked all the way up to the 21st only to have the world end IN MY TIME and not work time….Also, I’ve already done my Christmas shopping! Has it all been a wasted exercise? And just briefly, is there any point in getting anything in for my dinner that night? Does anyone know if it is going to be like a massive, destructive explosion? Making a trip to the supermarket pointless. Or is it going to be just, kind of like a living dead kind of situation, and we’ll all need to be locked up behind our front doors armed with rifles, grenades and hardened cat turds in socks? In which case we will need something for dinner, and this would be ideal….. The gogol mogol. The egg that cooks without the need for water – if you don’t take into account that one of the layers is actually ‘water’. The jury is out on who this is actually aimed at, but the papers are going with the culinary inept. My concern is that someone using this may die of chemical poisoning after they eat the packaging. Which if said someone is so stupid they are incapable of boiling an egg, then chowing down on the pretty yellow box it is packed in, becomes a distinct possibility.
And finally……..DINNA, DINNA, DINNA, DINNA……..