The Leg-end of the Hooge Poomah

Okay, I know I said that this week, the tour was going to be of Great Yarmouth. But I changed my mind because I can do that sort of shit, because it’s my blog. So instead, I am going to tell you all about the Hooge Poomah.  You may have noticed I’ve not been about much this week, and that’s because I have been researching….yes, me! RESEARCHING! Can you believe that? I am almost beginning to feel like a proper writer! – Of course in my head, I have always been a proper writer.  As well as being a  fantastic cook and house wife, sex goddess and uber babe. All while working a 90 hour week as a kick arse manager and saving the animal kingdom from evil.

Anywho, the Hooge Poomah. I have always heard stories of the Hooge Poomah, as far back as I can remember.  Infact, my very own daddy had an encounter with a Hooge Poomah in the late 1980’s while he was out walking his German Shepard.  He left the house early one evening to take the dawg on his constitutional and returned within about 10 minutes.  My mum asked what was up, as he hadn’t been out for as long as usual and dad said he didn’t want to talk about it…. It later transpired (after dad had a few beers and felt he needed to unburden himself of what he had seen) that he had been walking the dog across one of the fields behind the house when he had seen this massive black cat trotting in and out of the trees.  He wasn’t too keen on either him or the dog becoming large cat nibbles, so he turned round and walked home…all be it slightly quicker than he had walked there. Worried that he had inhaled too many fibreglass fumes in his car workshop, he decided not to tell anyone. But my daddy is not the only one to have witnessed giant pussies in the Norfolk country side..

Hooge Poomah report 12

Hooge Poomah report 2

Hooge cat sightings1

These are all from real calls to Norfolk Constabulary. Genuine sightings of large black cats or too many pints of moonshine? Meh, you decide…and please don’t let the last part of the report cloud your judgement…

When I read stuff like this, how can I NOT be proud of the people of Norfolk???

When I read stuff like this, how can I NOT be proud of the people of Norfolk???

It’s been a bit quite on the Poomah front in the last few years, but there was a report of a lion on the loose in Essex last year.  Essex, isn’t that far from Norfolk, and it’s still in East Anglia.  The only difference between Norfolk and Essex is that they all wear more jewellery and are mostly the shade of satsumas, but that aside, we are virtually all related..

Teddy the Essex lion

But enough with this already, that’s only hearsay, and I want to give my readers hard photographic evidence of the Hooge Poomah.

I think this looks more like a plastic dinosaur in the bottom left of the picture.....(Photo courtesy of iwitness24)

I think this looks more like a plastic dinosaur in the bottom left of the picture…..(Photo courtesy of iwitness24)

Okay, so this is actually a Lynx and not a Poomah...or if you're under 80 years old with relatively good eye sight, it's a tabby cat.

Okay, so this is actually a Lynx and not a Poomah…infact, to anyone under 80 years old with relatively good eye sight, it’s a tabby cat. (Photo courtesy of the newspaper I can’t remember the name of that I snipped it from of the internet….That still counts as credit, right?)

Okay, hold up….*sounds of record scratching* these are pretty crap, aren’t they? Well, it’s fortunate for you, dear Norfolk lovers, that I happen to have my own collection of genuine Hooge Poomah photos, which I have been slowly adding to over the years. I mean, I never really wanted to go public with my findings through fear of all the media attention.  But, do you know what? I love you all enough, to share them with you……

Real Hooge Poomah

Real Hooge Poomah in town

Join me again next week, for the launch of my KEEP NORFOLK NORMAL Campaign….

UPDATE – Sometimes, I just effing well love the universe.  Especially when it drops stuff in my lap like this. Click on the link below to read the full story….

LION

NO SHIT!!  BIG CAT SIGHTINGS IN EVERY NORFOLK ON THE PLANET!!

Chicken shit on WTF Wednesday.

A conversation between me and my colleague…..

Scottish Sal: So what is a baby duck called? Is it a chicken?

Me: WTF? How can a baby duck be called a chicken? They’re two different birds!!

Scottish Sal: Well, I don’t know….I thought I had heard them called chick…ens before…

Me: What is a man chicken called?

Scottish Sal: A cock….

Me: And what is a lady chicken called?

Scottish Sal: I’m not answering you now…..you just want me to say ‘fanny’…..

Readers in America, please note that in the UK a fanny is slang for a vagina, hence the reason why if you mention a ‘fanny pack’ to a Brit they will probably choke to death laughing. Although on second thoughts, it seems like a sound idea to overcome limited storage space..