Conversation between me and Nelly from the office upstairs during lunch:
Nelly: So have you all been discussing the scandal from over the road?
Me: What scandal?
Nelly: All the police cars outside the house opposite! Apparently they were there to arrest the man who lives there. He was seen chasing his wife down the road with a hammer….
Me: Was he naked?
Nelly: ? I don’t know…would that make a difference?
Me: Well, duh! yeah! I mean, was he chasing her down the road naked because it could have been part of a Norfolk mating ritual where he tied her to the bedpost with fluffy handcuffs and she has to escape and he chases her? Maybe they usually do it under the cover of darkness, but today they decided to spice it up a bit and do it at 7.30 in the morning and got spotted by an old woman walking her Yorkshire Terrier.
Me: OR she could have been the Bettaware woman dropping off a new catalogue and he is an angry customer who bought a substandard hammer from her last time and wants a refund and she was all “Sorry, but no refunds over 28 days since purchase” & he was like “Eff you bitch!! give me back my £3.99!” and chases her down the street with the hammer….and no clothes on…
Me: Oh! Wait!! Did she have clothes on? Because if she was the naked one, he could be like a really pushy door step salesman trying to sell her a hammer..
Nelly: *looks confused* Is that the time? I need to get back to work…
Me: *Turns to Jane from Accounts at the next table* Hey Jane!! Did you hear about the neighbours over the road?? Apparently the woman was seen running down the road with a naked Bettaware salesman waving at a Yorkshire Terrier who had the guys bitten off penis in its mouth..
*AND THAT IS WHY IF YOU ARE GOING TO SHARE GOSSIP WITH ME, YOU SHOULD AT LEAST MAKE IT JUICY, BECAUSE IF YOU DON’T, I WILL…YOU’RE WELCOME!*