Scandal In The Village

Conversation between me and Nelly from the office upstairs during lunch:

Nelly: So have you all been discussing the scandal from over the road?

Me: What scandal?

Nelly: All the police cars outside the house opposite! Apparently they were there to arrest the man who lives there.  He was seen chasing his wife down the road with a hammer….

Me: Was he naked?

Nelly: ? I don’t know…would that make a difference?

Me: Well, duh! yeah! I mean, was he chasing her down the road naked because it could have been part of a Norfolk mating ritual where he tied her to the bedpost with fluffy handcuffs and she has to escape and he chases her? Maybe they usually do it under the cover of darkness, but today they decided to spice it up a bit and do it at 7.30 in the morning and got spotted by an old woman walking her Yorkshire Terrier.

Nelly: *

Me: OR she could have been the Bettaware woman dropping off a new catalogue and he is an angry customer who bought a substandard hammer from her last time and wants a refund and she was all “Sorry, but no refunds over 28 days since purchase” & he was like “Eff you bitch!! give me back my £3.99!” and chases her down the street with the hammer….and no clothes on…

Nelly: *

Me: Oh! Wait!! Did she have clothes on? Because if she was the naked one, he could be like a really pushy door step salesman trying to sell her a hammer..

Nelly: *looks confused* Is that the time? I need to get back to work…

Me: *Turns to Jane from Accounts at the next table* Hey Jane!! Did you hear about the neighbours over the road?? Apparently the woman was seen running down the road with a naked Bettaware salesman waving at a Yorkshire Terrier who had the guys bitten off penis in its mouth..

*AND THAT IS WHY IF YOU ARE GOING TO SHARE GOSSIP WITH ME, YOU SHOULD AT LEAST MAKE IT JUICY, BECAUSE IF YOU DON’T, I WILL…YOU’RE WELCOME!*

Woohoo Woohoo on the sniff of a dove…….

So my suggestion recently to jump back in the old blogging saddle  was met with such raucous enthusiasm by my mum  a shit ton of people that it had to be done.

But what to blog about?? I literally have NO. FUCKING. IDEA. So I am bending to peer pressure and going to blog a review of one of my very own wax melts 🙂 Now the remit for this was to melt & review a scent that you wouldn’t normally like. A ‘sniff out of your comfort zone’ if you will.  Unfortunately for me, my hatred of soapy smelling niffs is well documented. So guess what the admins for my page suggested I review?? Was it the subtle waft of a gentle fabric softener? The retro takes me back smell of Pears? Nope. They insisted I reviewed the grand daddy of all soapy smells. SOAP OPERA.

Soap Opera – By Hedgewitch & Ninja (That’s me, by the way).

My site description for Soap Opera is simply:

Soap Opera – If you love the sniff of soap suds, you’ll love this. It’s Dove. Not a lot else to say really..

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So lets crack on with the review…

soapop

Cold Sniff: Yep, smells like soap – Score is a 10 out of 10 for this.

I turned the tinterwebs upside down looking for a scent description for Dove soap.  Depending on what site you read, it’s anything from rose, ylang, ylang & Jasmine to grated rabbit droppings and essence of cat hair ball.  To me however, it just smells like soap. I have a moderately tuned sense of sniff & trust me, it’s just bloody soap.

Lets fire up the glade & see if warming it will suddenly transform it into a fragrance I will fall in love with, want to marry & fill lots of mini wax warmers with…

Warm Sniff: Yep, just smells like warm soap – Score goes all the way up to 11 for that one….No delicate floral aromas or distinct notes of herbaceous or pungent spice. Just soap. Fucking soap. The throw, however is phenomenal. After 15 minutes, I had to admit defeat & turn the warmer off. It was literally permeating my eyeballs.

So overall what did I think of it? Well, on a scale of 1 to needs to come with its own gas mask designed for chemical attack, Chris (him in doors) rated this one as a “What the fuck are you melting??” Which converted to a traditional rating scale would probably put this around about  1. No shit. This isn’t like a “Wooo, what a beautiful subtle scent wafting in on the breeze” smell. Nope. This is a full on smack in the face smell which knocks you unconscious & you wake up 3 days later wondering what the hell has gone on, assault on your nostril holes.

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I still hate it. I will aways hate it. Buy it if you must, but don’t say I didn’t warn you…